Those Advice shared by A Dad Which Rescued Us as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider inability to talk amongst men, who still hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."